Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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