I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
