Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
