I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
