I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
