Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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