Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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