Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
