Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
