Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
