is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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