Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
