Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
