shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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