You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
