soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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