i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I enjoy the company of your penis
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