Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
