Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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