We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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