respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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