her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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