never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
