I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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