Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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