Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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