That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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