i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
