Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
