trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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