How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
