I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
