I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
