just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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