He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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