Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
