I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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