just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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