Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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