I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he just fucked me for my cheese.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
