he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
bring money and cleavage
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
