yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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