so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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