Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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