The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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