I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
