dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.