Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.