Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers