Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.