I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.