why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.