If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
