It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
