I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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