everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
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I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
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He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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