just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
