She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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