My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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