Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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