i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We left the knife in your bed.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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