JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
