I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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