Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
