I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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