Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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