What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
