why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize