My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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