Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You pole danced in your parka.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
