Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
