I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
