Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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